Monday, April 6, 2015

Shady Characters



How's that for a title? Look at these dudes! No clue what they did, don't want to know, would probably piss me off. Pretty shady looking group of folks! Good start, although they have nothing to do with this rant, but for the words, Shady Characters.

Now down to business!

I'm going to RANT in high gear about ridiculous, tacky lamps shades. The next four paragraphs will refer to all four photographs featured.

What the fuck was the person who designed and made these thinking?

Who the fuck is going to buy them?

Where the fuck is the buyer going to put them?

What the fuck does the rest of the house look like?

 ILLITERATE LIBRARY SHADE
OMG!
OMG!
OMG!

Where do I start? So much disgust! Lets begin with the obvious cheap ass black bullion fringe. Let's move down to the most unneeded gimp. Next. The fabric is pieced together cheap ass upholstery tapestry. Then the bottom NEEDED another row of cheap ass black fringe. Gentleman featured looks a bit shady to me.

What is this for? I know! Got it! A library with a life time collection of Reader's Digest Condensed Books. I pray they have red faux leather bindings.

PISSED OFF PEACOCK
No they didn't!
No they didn't!
No they didn't!

Peacock feathers are beautiful on a peacock. PERIOD. Not in a vase. Not on a dress. Most certainly not on a lamp shade. Maybe a feather duster.  What a great prop for the movie "The Birdcage."

This shade would cause me to have a breakdown if I saw it in a client's house. I would be speechless! Anyone who knows me at all knows that's a big deal. ME SPEECHLESS. This belongs  in the trash!

WHORE  DECOR
Well.
Well.
Well.

Just didn't now what to do with the Frederick's of Hollywood too-small lingerie, you know she outgrew it, cause she was all up in the bed eating bonbons. I'VE GOT IT! Make a lamp shade. You know, if only brought out for special evenings, it could be a keeper. You take that statement anywhere you want to.

BUR-LAPS OF JUDGEMENT
MY!
MY!
MY!

I'm writing a letter directly to President Obama. Legislation must be passed ASAP outlawing burlap's use in the home furnishings industry!!!! We need visual protection! Time should be served in the big house for this.

Bruno Mars shit don't stink!
"Uptown Funk" 

No comments: